All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
