hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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