i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
