If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
