shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
