the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
