there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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