so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
