i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
you will always have a special place in my vag
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
