If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
