you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
