I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
