Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
