Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
