I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
