Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize