Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Randomize