He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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