He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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