I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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