i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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