i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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