i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Randomize
