I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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