toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
