The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
it hurts more in the daytime
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
