Whod you bang
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
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