I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize