Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
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