The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
