its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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