You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
