I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
