I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
