i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
