is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
