My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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