i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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