How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
