I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
