we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
