I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
