I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
