he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
