I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
