Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Randomize
