I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Randomize
