Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
