zippers are such a cool invention
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
