i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
