You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
