I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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