I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
You left your underwear on the fireplace
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I didn't notice because vodka
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
