a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
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