My brain says no but my pants say off.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize