her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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