I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
