Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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