drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
