I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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