i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
i think i just lost a toe
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
