Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize