The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
