Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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