i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Randomize
