I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Randomize
