Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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